That's me. The evil nagging mummy. Always on my kids backs, telling them to do stuff, telling them off for not doing stuff, clearing up stuff they haven't done and getting mad at them for not doing it. At least that's who I feel like and I hate it. They are 2 very chaotic kids, with short concentration spans, hyper and distractable; and sometimes they drive me crazy.
Before I had kids, when I knew all about parenting, I was going to be a laid back mum, who gave my kids a lot of space and freedom. Of course good manners and helpfulness would be important, but they would be encouraged to find their own interests, plan their own play. I was not going to fill all their time with planned activities. I'd make sure they had a big variety of toys and books, I'd encourage them by using the toys myself, drawing and painting, making, sewing, gardening..... but they could join in when they wanted, I'd take them for fun walks and trips. I'd spend time with them, but on their terms. Their free time would be their own.
Free time. What. a. Joke.
They have way too much to do. Get up, go to school, come home, snacks, homework, jobs, physio, clubs, feed, clean, bed....... With my two all these things take twice as long because they are so distractable and excitable. We have a really strict routine, if we did not we wouldn't cope. Pup at least would never do anything, and I think he'd get stressed.
E.g. Home from school routine: Coat and shoes off, put away, unpack bag, put away, homework in in-tray for later, get changed, snack (in front of telly if he's behaved well), do homework. Believe me it is necessary. Pup is getting it down to a fine art these days and can get through the routine well 3/4 of the time, unless routine changes, Tigs is an anarchist so tries to do everything except what he's asked. E.g 'coat away' means 'throw coat on floor in hall', even if that takes more effort than hanging it up. 'Get changed' means he spends an hour
wrecking playing in his room, then comes downstairs howling and half dressed because he's just realised it is too late for a snack. And me on their backs all the time to ensure they do stuff. I hate it. And yep it would be easier to do their bags coats etc, But what sort of adults would I be producing? Entitled people who feel they should be waited on all the time? As it is they do very little to help around the house so far. Pup sweeps the hall floor once a week, they keep their rooms tidy (or don't!). Other jobs are random. I'd like them to do more but I'd feel even more wicked witchy if I had to nag them more, and they seem to have so little time just to be themselves, as it is.
Do I feel bad when I ask them to do things? Yes
Do I feel especially bad for Pup, because I want whatever life he has to be good? Yes. But then I feel bad for Tigs because I don't want him to miss out.
Am I trying to 'make it up to them' for all the bad stuff that's happened to them? Probably.
Do I feel bad because they have 'elderly' parents who don't have the energy that a pair of 30 year old parents would have? Yes.
Should I be kicking myself like this? er, no! I feel as if I'm behaving a bit like Pup - when he realises he's forgotten to do something he starts to cry and bash himself round the head. I just want to be the best mum I can be. I want to stop nagging, and never to shout again.. The boys don't hold grudges, they are cuddly, loving and gorgeous. For now we are the parents they want. I seem to be the mum they would choose to have, wicked witch or not. We've never had "I hate you". "You're not my real mum." or any of that... yet. Tigs has threatened to leave home one or twice. That is all so far. May it last!