Tuesday, 28 August 2012

Babies and plots

 We were at Tigs gym club today. There were as usual a bunch of mums in the 'waiting  room' while their offspring were springing around in the gym. And as usual several of them had babies. Today there was one very tiny little boy, must have been a few weeks old, max. And I was finding it really hard to even look at him; the baby longing came over me in a massive way. It's way too late for me to have a baby. No I didn't want to steal him, but I just felt so cheated. Crazy, as I'm no more entitled to a baby than any other woman. And both our boys came to us quite young; as toddlers. But I still crave a newborn.

  It has spoiled a few relationships; funnily enough the hardest for me was when we'd had Pup for about a year and a casual friend with a child of Pups' age got pregnant with her second son. I could barely manage to croak out 'congratulations' when she told me. I couldn't face her for months. Even when we found out about Tigs birth just a few weeks after her son was born I found it so hard, as we had to wait for months to know if Tigs was going to be ours, and for over a year to get him (that's another story.)

Not sure if I will ever get closure on this one. Maybe when (if!) we get grandchildren. However by the time we get grandkids Himself and I will probably be in residential care, pushing our matching his 'n' hers zimmer frames around; and way too old to enjoy the kids. Like my poor mother who I think had given up ever being a grandmother by the time my sister had her first child at age 38.

  Anyway apart from that, today went reasonably smoothly. It wasn't a day i was looking forward to, I had to drop the boys at Holiday club, collect my Mum to take to the dentist, drop her at home then collect boys. I did seriously panic when I thought that the appointment was going to overrun so I'd be late to pick the boys up, but we were just in time although Mum had to come along to holiday club for the ride as I didn't have time to drop her at home first.  Not ideal, as she was numb and exhausted, but we coped. Boys were higher than kites after their fun morning, in fact bouncing off the clouds; but in a happy way, not distressed, so that was OK.

New topic

This afternoon the boys were playing in an old tent in the garden, I was in the lounge. Tigs comes in:
 "Mum, Pup asked me to go and get his toy puppy!" (Pup often uses Tigs to fetch and carry for him - like older brothers everywhere, I suspect)
Mum "That is in his room, Tigs and you aren't allowed in Pups room, are you?" (he consistently steals and breaks Pups toys otherwise.)
Tigs "Oh." Runs back out to garden - and Pup.
Comes back indoors about 2 minutes later. "Going to get something from my room Mummy!"
Runs upstairs. I can hear no fairy elephant noises coming from his bedroom which is above the lounge, so I am naturally curious about what he's up to..... and where. A minute later he runs downstairs and past the lounge door in haste, with a cheerful grin and something behind his back. 
"Bye, mummy!"
Mum "Stop! What are you hiding?"
Tigs, fidgeting. "Nothing......"  
Oh yes, you guessed it. The 'nothing' turned out to be Pups toy dog, as expected.

  Those two are ganging up to get 'one up' on Mummy more and more often these days. I am still (usually) wise to their plots. But I am sure it won't be long before they can successfully bamboozle me.

Monday, 27 August 2012

Busy week ahead

Get boys to holiday club by 9.30 (we haven't eaten breakfast much before then for days so it will be a massive shock to the system) Instruct the club leaders in dealing with Pups medication. (and in dealing with Pup)
Rush into town to get photo's printed for contact letter to boys birth mum.
Pick up my mum, take her to dentist.
Take mum home, pick up boys. 12.30. Scrape them off ceiling.
Feed boys 
Take boys to Tigs Gym club
Home, feed all,  put boys to bed.
Sit down.

Holiday club am 
Playdate pm. Overexcited boys.

Holiday club am
Opticians pm. Taking boys to opticians is NOT fun. Too many tempting buttons to press. And getting one to sit still while he is being examined, and the other to sit while he is not being examined - oh my!!!

Go to work for a rest. Himself is holding the fort as he usually does on Friday.

 All the time worrying about Pup who had his outpatient appointment last week and has apparently lost weight over this last month despite growing a centimetre in height. His Doctors are quite concerned about this. He's also got a cough, which always sets my alarm bells jangling, hard. The good news is that his lung function seems to be improved.

Roll on the weekend! I'm almost tempted to say roll on school! Starts next week. I'm not looking forward to the sometimes tedious routine of school runs, or the hassle of school mornings. But it will be good to have some time to do 'non boy' things. I have so many plans.

Sunday, 19 August 2012

Hard thinking

  Doing some very hard thinking here about getting (or trying to get) some extra help for Pup. In fact more about help for us coping with Pup. We are not having a good time at the moment. A week on holiday by the sea showed us how Pup does not cope well away from his home environment. Worrying about his health too.
Lots of thinking going on, and stressing about his future.  

It was not  bad holiday although stressful in  parts, and both boys had a great time in the sea. In fact rather too great in Pups case as he nearly got washed away by a freak wave on our last day.

Some of the good bits:

Friday, 10 August 2012

Sad happy sad

Sad - because a 12 year old girl has been murdered in south London, possibly by a close relative. Thinking how her family must be feeling at this moment.

Happy, we've got our boys back from Grandma's. However despite (or because of?) an exciting visit, with swimming trips, and a visit to Wicksteed Park with extended family they have come home inevitably somewhat unsettled and were little sods quite challenging today.

Sad because I'm finding work difficult at the moment and am having to make big decisions about my future. I've been nursing for 23 years (wow!), and need to think what I should do next. Working just one day a week  is not good for me and not good for my place of work. Not working at all would be hard as well. Increasing my hours would not work for the boys at all. I had to come home early from work today because I was exhausted, and that's not good.

We've been enjoying the Olympics together; the boys have special dispensation to scream as loud as they like when team GB wins a medal, and they are taking full advantage of it.The weather is great, and Himself and I are having quite a lot of time together.

So.... mostly good around here.

Sunday, 5 August 2012

Home alone

Three boy free days for himself and me.

The boys are at Grandma and Grandads, with Himselfs very brave parents. We went over for the weekend and a family celebratation, and left them there; the Grandparents are returning them to us on Wednesday. It is just sinking in that they won't be  coming into our bedroom this morning, that we've got three days without meds or physio, without small boy fights (we get a lot of those at the moment).Three days of peace.

Feeling a little lost and aimless, and a lot guilty. The boys knew what was happening and were happy with it, in fact really excited about it; but at bedtime they were asking us not to go. We hoped they'd be asleep by the time we left so it would be a fait accompli in the morning when they woke. But Pup emerged from his bedroom as we crept out of the house and stood at the top of the stairs saying  "Please don't go, I'm begging you."
We went anyway. Grandma reports on the phone that he went to bed and back to sleep almost immediately.

Praying that they don't exhaust the grandparents too much. Pup gets so overexcited and he has no 'brakes' on his behaviour. He admits he can't stop himself, and he doesn't yet recognise soon enough when he's getting OTT, so he can't calm himself, and he still fights us when we try to get him to calm down. Just hope he isn't like this with the grandparents. Tigs is simply hyperactive and can be very very tiring. Gold medals to the granparents for taking them. Most people won't take our kids on, even for a short break.