Saturday, 22 September 2012

A weight off my shoulders

  We've always resisted trying to get Pup's behaviour issues diagnosed; partly because we feel that he has enough 'labels' hanging around his neck already. Premature, adopted, cystic fibrosis. It's a lot for a boy to handle. But I've given in. I took him to the Quack this week and asked her to refer him for an assessment. School is getting increasingly concerned about him, he is disrupting at Cubs, at Sunday school, and almost everywhere we take him out. He is getting more and more out of step with other kids his age. We are worrying more and more about how he will cope at senior school. At the very least he could get badly bullied.

So we've taken that big step. I think it may be a long road. I thought I would feel guilty, but I don't, I feel like a big weight has dropped off me. Yes, we want him to be 'normal' (if there is such a thing). But we want him to get all the help he needs as well. And another label just might make people more tolerant of his idiosyncracies.... we hope. 

I don't really know how he feels about it. He knows his behaviour causes problems. (how could he not know?) I was as direct as I could be with him, and tried to explain to him that we are not saying he is naughty - in fact he is a child that loves to be helpful and to please people. He isn't talking about it. But he doesn't like to talk about negative things, he never has. I just hope we are doing the right thing for him. I've had too many years of people saying to me "It's just attatchment disorder", "He'll catch up", "He'll do it in his own time", "Don't worry, he's a lovely boy." Sorry, but being lovely isn't enough. Sadly he has to conform at least to some extent to societies expectations, even if those expectations can be unreasonable sometimes. I don't want him to stop being 'Pup'. He has a strong personality that will always shine through. AND he is an optimist! I think, I hope that he will cope.


  1. I found the same thing when I finally asked for help. Relief.

    Unfortunately I can't get a diagnosis of any kind for Mini right now. I don't want him labelled, but I do want him to get the right help, support and understanding and it seems so hard to get that without a label/diagnosis.

    Pup will still be Pup. A diagnosis of anything does not have to define you unless you let it, and from what you say neither you nor he will do that...

  2. We were opposed to labelling Pup for years. But we are beginning to feel differently. If a label gets him the right help, it's good. If it gives him something definite to help him cope with the way he is, it's good. So for example if he got a diagnosis of foetal alcohol syndrome he could say "I'm like this because my birth mum drank too much before I was born" Or "because I was born prem and had brain damage" or whatever diagnosis he gets. He's got 'something' to blame, rather than feeling he's a bad person or naughty. It might help him, if he could feel that it's not his fault. He'd have something to fight.