We were at Tigs gym club today. There were as usual a bunch of mums in the 'waiting room' while their offspring were springing around in the gym. And as usual several of them had babies. Today there was one very tiny little boy, must have been a few weeks old, max. And I was finding it really hard to even look at him; the baby longing came over me in a massive way. It's way too late for me to have a baby. No I didn't want to steal him, but I just felt so cheated. Crazy, as I'm no more entitled to a baby than any other woman. And both our boys came to us quite young; as toddlers. But I still crave a newborn.
It has spoiled a few relationships; funnily enough the hardest for me was when we'd had Pup for about a year and a casual friend with a child of Pups' age got pregnant with her second son. I could barely manage to croak out 'congratulations' when she told me. I couldn't face her for months. Even when we found out about Tigs birth just a few weeks after her son was born I found it so hard, as we had to wait for months to know if Tigs was going to be ours, and for over a year to get him (that's another story.)
Not sure if I will ever get closure on this one. Maybe when (if!) we get grandchildren. However by the time we get grandkids Himself and I will probably be in residential care, pushing our matching his 'n' hers zimmer frames around; and way too old to enjoy the kids. Like my poor mother who I think had given up ever being a grandmother by the time my sister had her first child at age 38.
Anyway apart from that, today went reasonably smoothly. It wasn't a day i was looking forward to, I had to drop the boys at Holiday club, collect my Mum to take to the dentist, drop her at home then collect boys. I did seriously panic when I thought that the appointment was going to overrun so I'd be late to pick the boys up, but we were just in time although Mum had to come along to holiday club for the ride as I didn't have time to drop her at home first. Not ideal, as she was numb and exhausted, but we coped. Boys were higher than kites after their fun morning, in fact bouncing off the clouds; but in a happy way, not distressed, so that was OK.
New topic
This afternoon the boys were playing in an old tent in the garden, I was in the lounge. Tigs comes in:
"Mum, Pup asked me to go and get his toy puppy!" (Pup often uses Tigs to fetch and carry for him - like older brothers everywhere, I suspect)
Mum "That is in his room, Tigs and you aren't allowed in Pups room, are you?" (he consistently steals and breaks Pups toys otherwise.)
Tigs "Oh." Runs back out to garden - and Pup.
Comes back indoors about 2 minutes later. "Going to get something from my room Mummy!"
Runs upstairs. I can hear no fairy elephant noises coming from his bedroom which is above the lounge, so I am naturally curious about what he's up to..... and where. A minute later he runs downstairs and past the lounge door in haste, with a cheerful grin and something behind his back.
"Bye, mummy!"
Mum "Stop! What are you hiding?"
Tigs, fidgeting. "Nothing......"
Oh yes, you guessed it. The 'nothing' turned out to be Pups toy dog, as expected.
Those two are ganging up to get 'one up' on Mummy more and more often these days. I am still (usually) wise to their plots. But I am sure it won't be long before they can successfully bamboozle me.
Anyway apart from that, today went reasonably smoothly. It wasn't a day i was looking forward to, I had to drop the boys at Holiday club, collect my Mum to take to the dentist, drop her at home then collect boys. I did seriously panic when I thought that the appointment was going to overrun so I'd be late to pick the boys up, but we were just in time although Mum had to come along to holiday club for the ride as I didn't have time to drop her at home first. Not ideal, as she was numb and exhausted, but we coped. Boys were higher than kites after their fun morning, in fact bouncing off the clouds; but in a happy way, not distressed, so that was OK.
New topic
This afternoon the boys were playing in an old tent in the garden, I was in the lounge. Tigs comes in:
"Mum, Pup asked me to go and get his toy puppy!" (Pup often uses Tigs to fetch and carry for him - like older brothers everywhere, I suspect)
Mum "That is in his room, Tigs and you aren't allowed in Pups room, are you?" (he consistently steals and breaks Pups toys otherwise.)
Tigs "Oh." Runs back out to garden - and Pup.
Comes back indoors about 2 minutes later. "Going to get something from my room Mummy!"
Runs upstairs. I can hear no fairy elephant noises coming from his bedroom which is above the lounge, so I am naturally curious about what he's up to..... and where. A minute later he runs downstairs and past the lounge door in haste, with a cheerful grin and something behind his back.
"Bye, mummy!"
Mum "Stop! What are you hiding?"
Tigs, fidgeting. "Nothing......"
Oh yes, you guessed it. The 'nothing' turned out to be Pups toy dog, as expected.
Those two are ganging up to get 'one up' on Mummy more and more often these days. I am still (usually) wise to their plots. But I am sure it won't be long before they can successfully bamboozle me.
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