Sunday, 7 April 2013

Sense and Sensibility

How can one child be so rational and sensible one minute, yet a complete and utter airhead the next?

How come he seems so intelligent about some things yet hasn't a clue about another thing that seems totally obvious to me?

How can he get so wound up and hyper that he cannot stay still, listen, see, or even apparently think straight?
How can he suddenly get so terribly distressed about apparent trivia?

How can he talk non-stop yet be physically incapable of listening to anyone?

  Pup. I do not get him sometimes.  Some of his behaviour is normal child stuff, and of course thare are parents who say to me "All kids do that." Yes, of course they do but if you are an adoptive parent you will know that adoptive kids often do do much the same things as normal kids - but much more so. I am sure that some of my problems with him are because he is a boy, and I have little aquaintance with small boys. I was one of two sisters, we did have boy cousins but didn't see them too often, I went to a girls school after the age of 11. So boys all seem a bit like aliens to me. But Tigs, however frustrating and wild he is, seems much easier to understand and talk to - most of the time at least.

  Some of it must be about me and how I relate to him. Some of it is about him. He is gorgeous; most people agree he's a delightful boy. He is incredibly affectionate (especially to me) forgiving, kind (except to his brother maybe!) But he has no controls, no lid, he boils over all the time. It makes him incredibly wearing to be around. He is also lost in his make-believe world a lot, and it can be hard to drag him back to reality. If you go for a walk with him you will usually find yourself in mid rolepay, walking with Cap'n Barnacle or some othe hero figure. That is hard and I have to ask him to be Pup sometimes as I get really tired of joining in the game (and I hate roleplay!) - or equally frustrating is trying to walk alongside him as he acts out his game; runs off, comes back, air fights the baddies......

  I would like to understand better how to help him live 'normally'. Not to conform to societies expectations just for the sake of it, I'd love him always to be himself. But to know and be able to fit in with the 'rules' when he needs to. We have always hoped that as he got older and more self conscious he would begin to try and conform. So far it hasn't happened. I am reluctant for him to have more treatment or therapy, (he has enough intervention in his life already!) but I feel that I need some help myself, just so I can help him better.


  1. No advice, but sympathy. I know how wearing it can be, as your first lines describe Mini too. Particularly at the so hyper, we're exhausted! If you find anything that helps, please let me know!

    Thanks for sharing your post with the Weekly Adoption Shout Out x

  2. If I ever do find a solution I'll be sure to let you know!
    Of course at this moment he is playing calmly and quietly at the table. I haven't the heart to interrupt him to insist he does physio and has breakfast.