Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Phase Change

   I can't get over the feeling that my whole life is going through a period of change - physical, and spiritual. Partly because Tigs is now at school, so the shape of my days is changing. But other things as well. Mum moving near us is a big change.
My job now feels superflous. Not unnecessary, because I need to earn money, but I feel quite disconnected from it; which isn't too good, as I still need to do it, and do it well. I was always planning to change direction workwise when Tigs started school, but Dad's illness and death have inhibited me from doing anything about it over the last few months. Now Mum is moved, and most of the work on her house is done (it will be sold soon, we hope - we have a buyer) I can start to think again.

What I'd really like: to write books. A crazy ambition as I know there are a hundred wannabes out there for every published author. I've ideas galore for stories.

And I'd like to get fit (which is why I'm sitting at the computer not out cycling, jogging or swimming!!?)

And spiritually. At church recently we had a big event that has made me feel I am not doing enough with God - that is a clumsy way to put it, but I'm not sure how else to say it. The church want to do mission. The idea makes me cringe and shrivel like a small screwed up piece of paper. A few years ago they had an 'outreach' event, where it was suggested that everyone should be getting out there to evangelise. I did point out that this was totally unbiblical, that even Paul with his mission to save the world says that 'some are evangelists...'. Which lets me off nicely.  When I try to 'share the word' it always goes badly wrong, and to say the least, is not usually at all glorifying to God. Maybe I need to  / can get better at it, but I have to be realistic and accept I do not have a gift in that direction. So it's possible I can support the drive to mission by baking cakes or something similar. And praying - need more practice in that area. MUCH more practice.

So get to it !

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