Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Thinking aloud.

I read a blog today whose author was commenting about how few female christian bloggers there are in the UK. I'm amazed. I know that in the US every other christian mum (I can't write it with an 'o', it just doesn't work for me!) seems to have her own blog. Why are we so different in the UK? is it a bad thing?!?

I don't think this is a christian blog. I don't have an inspiring text at the top or mention God every time I blog. I'm not even sure what this blog is for. Not to evangelise the world, or even to entertain people. More of an online diary. I am pretty sure no-one reads it! 
Perhaps I should be more 'religious'; but it doesn't come naturally. I can talk to God, usually not very coherently, but find it hard to talk about him. Mostly because he is such a big subject that anything I say is likely to be wrong, as I can only see a tiny bit of him (like the blind man who touched the elephants tail and decided it was a snake) 
When I say I can talk to God I mean I usually just get his attention and throw pictures at him and say "what are you going to do about it God? Can you make it better?" or "What do you want me to ask you to do about this one?" In particular when it comes to my kids I'm often afraid to pray. 
Two things I want to ask him about them - first that they will learn to love him, and second that they will be well - and that Pup in particular be healed. I've never heard of anyone being healed of CF; funny how God does not appear to heal people of genetic conditions. And I haven't got a millionth of a mustardseeds worth of faith that he will be healed. So I don't ask very often. And I am not one of these people that can beg God for years to do one thing, and still believe it will happen. And I can't believe that his healing or otherwise depends on my propensity to pray - or not.
I should stop this stream of consciousness stuff. I really should be molishing a wardrobe (opposite to demolishing - we have our own language in this house!) It's for Pup who is at school. Boy 2 is glued to the TV for a change. he is usually racing around the house or hassling my every spare moment. I haven't written much about Tigs; how he delights and maddens me every day. How bright and energetic and beautiful and wicked he is. Must get round to it. I must write the story of how we got both boys, I need to record it for their sakes. In my copious free time.

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