Grief

   On  6th May  the Consultant told my dad that there was no chance that he would ever be fit enough for a heart bypass operation, His heart was functioning at about 20%, so he was weak. A number of additional health problems had left him very frail, with little energy to do more than just 'get by'.

  I rang him last monday (the 9th), and we talked for a while. He spoke about what the Doctor had said, and I think he had peace about it. He said that now he could "Make the best of however long I have left".

I fill up every time I think of that. On Thursday morning Tigs and I were out for Tigs regular music session, and shopping, and we came home to a message on the answerphone - ring my parents home urgently. I have to admit I still think of Dad as the 'well' one. I thought something had happened to mum.

So I rang and mum answered  "Are you all right mum?" it came out in a scramble of words. Her answer was deliberate - I 'M alright - but Dad's dead."  She found him in his bed that morning, peacefully asleep. For ever.

I wish I'd known on Monday that he only had two days left.

Easter holidays

   We didn't go away at Easter, but seem to have been busy. Easter seems a long time ago now. I will never forget Easter day, we had a joyful morning service at church.  The children were all given ribbon streamers to wave during the songs, and my enduring memory is of Pup dancing at the front of the church with his ribbons. No other children were dancing; but Pup  is a bit of an exhibitionist does not suffer with any inhibitions...  Or  in fact any other hangups about his identity and gender. He wore a fetching multicoloured neckace to church this week and spent most of his time after church playing with the girls. He loves to play with toddlers and will tell anyone who will listen about his imaginary baby.

   Now Pup is back at school, Tigs at preschool. We have a reminder of Easter in two bags on the dining room table, Tigs bag has the few small remains of his Easter eggs, Pups has about six untouched eggs and bags of chocolate. I often have to throw Pups eggs away. I bite my lip to remind myself not to nag him to eat them. He gets enough nagging on that subject.

Back to happier subjects. We had a visit from Grandma and Grandad, and dragged them along on an outing to the zoo. We saw a lot of exciting creatures.

We did a few walks, and had some adventures on the way....

kite down

We played with the kitten.

My wild child can be very gentle when he's in the mood.

 We went to the bike park.

sorry about the graffiti

And Stowe landscape gardens.

 

And did a LOT of trampolining.

We also visited friends, and had friends, and aunt and 12 year old cousin visit,  helped in the garden. And rested a lot.

 

We needed it.

Skylines

I love taking pictures out of my window.

All you need is love.

But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

Charles M. Schulz

Could do with a little something to help us right now. Not big problems. Just feeling that the little ones are overwhelming me.....

Ferocious Atttack Cat.......

   

                                                                    

                                                             Or sleepy baby?

Mr Gorgeousness

Warning - another ailurophiles post

He is 9 weeks old.

We are (almost) all totally besotted. He rules the house, or likes to think he does.

Tigs called him 'Mr Gorgeousness' this morning. I have to admit I agree. He is totally loopy, and has us in hysterics frequently. Mealtimes especially descend into chaos as he tries to leap on the table or sneaks into Pup's lap during breakfast.

One person is less than besotted

Thinking aloud.

I read a blog today whose author was commenting about how few female christian bloggers there are in the UK. I'm amazed. I know that in the US every other christian mum (I can't write it with an 'o', it just doesn't work for me!) seems to have her own blog. Why are we so different in the UK? is it a bad thing?!?

I don't think this is a christian blog. I don't have an inspiring text at the top or mention God every time I blog. I'm not even sure what this blog is for. Not to evangelise the world, or even to entertain people. More of an online diary. I am pretty sure no-one reads it! 

Perhaps I should be more 'religious'; but it doesn't come naturally. I can talk to God, usually not very coherently, but find it hard to talk about him. Mostly because he is such a big subject that anything I say is likely to be wrong, as I can only see a tiny bit of him (like the blind man who touched the elephants tail and decided it was a snake) 

When I say I can talk to God I mean I usually just get his attention and throw pictures at him and say "what are you going to do about it God? Can you make it better?" or "What do you want me to ask you to do about this one?" In particular when it comes to my kids I'm often afraid to pray. 

Two things I want to ask him about them - first that they will learn to love him, and second that they will be well - and that Pup in particular be healed. I've never heard of anyone being healed of CF; funny how God does not appear to heal people of genetic conditions. And I haven't got a millionth of a mustardseeds worth of faith that he will be healed. So I don't ask very often. And I am not one of these people that can beg God for years to do one thing, and still believe it will happen. And I can't believe that his healing or otherwise depends on my propensity to pray - or not.

I should stop this stream of consciousness stuff. I really should be molishing a wardrobe (opposite to demolishing - we have our own language in this house!) It's for Pup who is at school. Boy 2 is glued to the TV for a change. he is usually racing around the house or hassling my every spare moment. I haven't written much about Tigs; how he delights and maddens me every day. How bright and energetic and beautiful and wicked he is. Must get round to it. I must write the story of how we got both boys, I need to record it for their sakes. In my copious free time.